Sunday his IV was removed...Joe and I continued driving to Eugene for a meeting.
Monday he was moved to hospice...I shared professional development ideas with colleagues.Tuesday I wanted to stand up on a chair and scream that my grandpa was dying...instead I posted an idea to the Ed Tech blog.
Wednesday I stayed home with Avery...it isn't right that her great-grandpa isn't able to see how much like me she has grown to be.
Thursday I played Grandpa's harmonica all the way to Umatilla and back...then went and watched a soccer game and movie for "girls night."
Friday....more of the same...I'm still not home holding the hands of the people I love.
Saturday...here I am...doing laundry, washing toilets, waiting.
So many times I have been witness to friends and family going through the same scenario and I didn't understand. I didn't know that their minds were completely elsewhere while they continued on with their work, raising their families, watching their children play. Right now, I really am in Montana, in thought, holding my Grandpa's hand...hugging my Mom, Grandmas, and Dad, keeping vigil over a man who had so much influence in our lives.
I love you all...thanks for "listening" to my private limbo and thanks for your prayers.
10 comments:
wow, I sooo know what you are feeling, only I got to be there, at least a the end, for the most part. This was so beautifully written. I feel your heart hurting. It is terrible waiting. It is awkward in so many ways. It is weird feeling torn up inside but acting like it is a normal day.
Praying for you today.
Beth
the "letting go" is always the difficult part. Praying for you and your family! And understanding your limbo...I've been there before...
Sending prayers your way. I loved your post, especially the part about the influence your grandpa has had on so many loved ones.
Athena
Sending you love, prayers, and peace. Writing all of this out I'm sure made the waiting game just a little easier... I know that's why I like writing so much... just gives me peace that only He can give.
You are loved Stacy!!
May you continue to reflect on and treasure the wonderful things your dear grandpa has been.
Peace to you friend... and rest.
Oh Stacy. I hope that you can hold on to those happy memories. Let them comfort you. I have played that waiting game 3 times now...all with grandparents far away and on Hospice. Know that Hospice is so wonderful, for the patient, but more importantly for your family, standing by waiting. They will provide comfort and insight through the journey. I hope you will get to go be with your family soon. Nothing feels better than a hug from loved ones sharing pain.
My heart is breaking for you Stacy. I'm so sorry you're in limbo and feeling pulled in and out of where you want/have to/need to be. Hugs to you this week. I'll be praying for the peace in your heart and comfort in your world.
And I'm so, so, so sorry that you're grandpa is dying.
ps- love the picture of Avery :)
Stacy, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandpa. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Stacy, I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you. It's so hard to say goodbye to those we love. Wishing you days filled with beautiful memories...
This was so well written. It expressed exactly how I've felt at times I couldn't be close to family. My prayers are with you and your family.
So sad to hear about your grandpa! I was a wreck when my grandma died. I still think of I wish she could see us now!! So cherish the memories and hold on. Life does go on!!
Thinking of you and your.
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